Ceremonies written around you

A funeral is one last moment of closeness with someone we love. It lets us say goodbye, and it lets us take in how much we’ve lost. It can move from sorrow to laughter and back again, so it matters that it feels right.

I work for the family. We talk, I listen, and I write a service about the person you’ve lost, built on their beliefs and yours. You approve every word of the script, so on the day you know exactly what will be said, and there’s a friendly face leading it.

Most of my services are at crematoria and natural burial grounds. I’ve also led funerals in homes and gardens, on a boat, and alongside clergy in church. Some families like to take part with small rituals, such as fingerprinting the coffin, lighting candles or holding blessing stones.

Planning your own service

Some of the most comforting funerals I’ve led used the person’s own words: their life story, or a tribute (often a funny one) written for the people they left behind.

Funeral plans cover the coffin, flowers and music, but rarely what will be said. We can write your service together now and update it as the years go by. When the time comes, your family has the words ready and time to grieve. I can’t promise I’ll be free to deliver it myself, but everything will be in place.

No two couples love the same way, so no two ceremonies should be the same. A celebrant-led ceremony can say whatever you want, wherever you want, at any time of day: on a beach, in a wood, in a marquee or in your back garden.

Celebrant ceremonies aren’t legally binding in England. You sign the register with a registrar beforehand, often in a short, inexpensive appointment, and then have the ceremony you actually want in front of the people you love.

• Wedding ceremony. For couples of any gender, on the day you register or any time after.
• Commitment ceremony. A public promise for couples who can’t, or don’t want to, marry.
• Renewal of vows. A chance to reaffirm your marriage, often at a milestone anniversary, with children and grandchildren involved.

Many couples add a symbolic ritual: handfasting, ring warming, jumping the broomstick, sand pouring, unity candles, oathing stones, tree planting or a time capsule. Want something traditional? Great. A Game of Thrones theme? Count me in. I’m still waiting for my first Labyrinth wedding.

Fair warning: I set my couples homework. It’s how I find the heartfelt things you want to say about each other.

A naming ceremony welcomes your child into your family and community, whatever their age. It can also bring step-siblings or adopted children together as a new family.

Parents, guardians or godparents, and often grandparents, make promises to the child. A rose petal shower, candle lighting, sand pouring or fingerprints on a keepsake canvas mark the day.

As a mum of two, I know children need to be kept interested to sit through a ceremony. I get to know your family and your little one’s quirks beforehand, so everyone is relaxed and can enjoy the day.